Monday, May 02, 2005
Help Wanted - Going SEX Crazy!
I think I'm going crazy.
Ok, here goes. I'm not sure why I feel the need to write about my sexual confusion and self discovery, let alone post it on the very public Internet. But for some reason I'm compelled to. I recently quit drinking and started on this spiritual and self awarenss journey. I had no idea that it would awaken my sexual desire for my husband and renew my relationship with him. Yes, I knew that family life would get better - my children and husband could only benefit from a happier, healthier mother - I just had no idea it would re-ignite my lust and passion for my man.
What is happening to me? Suddenly, I found myself reading blog upon blog about D/s, BDSM, Taken in Hand, and other alternative sexual pursuits. I am fascinated by the woman's perspective and experiences in these kind of consensual, loving marriages. I find myself drawn to these women and their stories. I find myself walking around with this warm, excited feeling between my legs. I know my husband is thrilled by my awakening and eagerness for him, but I'm sure he must be slightly confused. I keep telling him that I want him so much more because I'm so much happier with him in general and how supportive he's been of me.
I'm still trying to figure out what all this means to us. I'm not sure what I really want and what I can handle. In recovery you get sponsors to help you work through your journey, is there such thing as a sexual sponsor who can help me learn how to navigate this territory? I know that I will need to discuss this with my husband, but until then, I wish there was someone who could help me through this. I mean, how can this be happening now after 15 yrs together and 2 children?
It's so strange how I could be so closed down for so long and now suddenly SO awake! I saw another woman's blog recently (tieme-n-spankme)
listing reasons for a lacking libido and I saw myself mirrored in several of them. I guess my problem really came down to being overwhelmed and exhausted, but a lot of that has changed. My husband is so much more helpful and affectionate and my life has become simplified by getting rid of alcohol. For the first time in my life, I can really give myself to my husband without reservations and without being clouded by some substance. It's so exhilarating.
posted by Gabby Hey at 2:35 PM