/* Theme Name: 2 Good 4 You Version: 1.0 Author: Web Divas Author URL: http://www.web-divas.com/ Copyright: Gabby Hey - 2005 */ gabby surrenders: Relax and Enjoy the Ride .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
Monday, May 16, 2005
Relax and Enjoy the Ride

I think I need a 12 step program...maybe it can be called SA - Subs Anonymous. You take the steps to go from vanilla to submissive. I'm not getting much from the books I'm reading. To be honest, I get more information and guidance from personal blogs than from anything else. I was a little disappointed in the The Loving Dominant, as it seems more geared towards people interested in multiple partners or joining "the scene" and not long-term relationships or married couples. I guess BDSM for married folk is what you'd call a niche market.

One thing I am sure of, though, is that if I'm not careful I will end up topping from the bottom and turn this whole journey into a fiasco. I think it's all about balance. I've been very shy and uncomfortable over the years with sharing what I found enjoyable and stimulating, so now I'm trying to feed him bits of info and show him what I like by reacting appropriately. For instance, I mentioned to him this weekend that when he tied me up years ago (something like 14 years ago) I had really liked it. And I left it at that. I think I'm giving D the information he needs and wants, but I'm not going to push him in any direction anymore. He knows what I want and he's great at providing what I need. And even though, he hasn't read much of the literature, I've noticed more and more that his natural dominance is resurfacing as I give him my power and step back.

It's kind of funny, though, how our sex life is now taking on a life of it's own. It's because of our family life (children, dinner times, homework, work, etc), not an inclination towards D/s, that we have developed rituals and patterns of behaviour (even when trying to be spontaneous). D gets out the red bag of goodies and lays out his preferred toys and tools for the night on his side of the bed. After a fairly energetic and naughty session Saturday night, he held me and kissed me and told me how proud of me he is. It was the perfect balance of excitement and tenderness. Ah, bliss.

So, from now on, I'm going to relax and enjoy the ride...


posted by Gabby Hey at 8:14 AM 4 comments links to this post

4 Comments:

Blogger *J* said...

I agree - it must be a real niche market. We could probably pull information from all of the blogs and publish "BDSM For Monogamous Married Couples."

The emphasis in all of the books on "the scene" and multiple partners really upset Himself - he's so literal. When I bought the books, he thought that I was telling him that I wanted all of the things in the books, not just carefully selected exerpts.

It sounds like you are approaching your husband in a much wiser way than I did mine.

10:14 AM  
Blogger Erica said...

good for you, gabby! it's takes FOREVER to recover from topping from the bottom. you're going at it the right way!
I came to the same "enjoy the ride" conclusion myself this weekend. if only I wasn't a girl and had to over-analyze everything it might work : )

11:06 AM  
Blogger Kaylem said...

It's so hard to just turn over control and let Them decide what rules to follow. But I think you're right - it would be way too easy to top from the bottom, ruining whatever interest he does have at this point. Just keep feeding him info about what you like. Or heck, post it on your blog!

11:08 AM  
Blogger Gabby Hey said...

Yes, it is extremely difficult to let go and let him decide what rules to follow. I'm not one that traditionally turns control over to anyone...maybe that's why D/s appeals to me so much.

Sometimes it's so exhausting to be me!

1:00 PM  

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