/* Theme Name: 2 Good 4 You Version: 1.0 Author: Web Divas Author URL: http://www.web-divas.com/ Copyright: Gabby Hey - 2005 */ gabby surrenders: Light at the end of the tunnel... .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Light at the end of the tunnel...

It was quite a busy weekend in our home. In addition to our regular family activities, I finished "Story of O," which I found disturbing and disappointing (I'll post something on that later), I finally got a good flogging, and D and I had several stolen conversations that equaled one whole discussion on our renewed sex life. On Friday night, I believe that I had my first brush with subspace, and I'm hooked. I want more...I NEED more. But before I go there, I did want to briefly say something about my evolving beliefs.

I think I've mentioned a few times that I have difficulty reconciling my desires to be dominated with my every day personality. I spent a good deal of my youth studying feminist history and trying to live my life in a way that proved I was equal (or better) than men. Obviously, age and reality mellowed my zeal and I became more aware that I was less interested in equality than I was a level playing field. I am comfortable being uniquely female and don't want to be a man or live a man's life. I do, however, still consider myself a feminist, and I'm beginning to consider myself submissive (the parameters of which are still to be defined). My husband who is, was, and will always be a dominating male is also comfortable with the complicated roles that we're all expected to play in life. He broke with tradition and stayed home with our first child for several years because I made significantly more money (the image of my 6' 4" hubby sitting in a child's chair serving ice cream at class parties is one of my favorite memories). I have never been a follower; I recoil at the very idea of being told what to do. I am a very emotional, sensual person, but I am a control freak. And I think way too much.

So now you might be able to understand how my poor darling D might be just slightly confused by my new desire to relinquish all control, have my girlie parts pierced and jump his bones on a fairly regular basis. Granted, he's very enthusiastic about the recent changes, but confused, nonetheless. Truth be told, I think I've always liked the feelings associated with submitting sexually to D. I think one of the reasons I was so attracted to him physically was that the sheer size of him made me feel safe, comforted...submissive. I think that, perhaps, this whole shift towards D/s, might actually just be the natural evolution of our relationship, instead of some big, sudden change. Like most of us on this journey, I'm not sure how all of this will play out, but I am really starting to have fun.

I'm very thankful that on this day, my 9th wedding anniversary, that I belong to D. Next up, my first adventure with the flogger....

posted by Gabby Hey at 10:45 AM 9 comments


Blogger *J* said...

It's been said by many people that I read (Claire comes to mind) that ours is an intellectual kink.

Re-examining roles, and societal expectations; learning how to just be you - with all that you are, and all that you believe - requires in depth thought and analysis.

Darn! And we thought it was going to be all fun!

I really respect men who are comfortable enough with their masculinity to be a stay-at-home Dad. Your kiddos are better off for having had him!

9:38 AM  
Blogger *J* said...

Happy Anniversary, BTW!

9:52 AM  
Blogger bob said...

Somebody once told me that I think too much too. . .hah!

Happy Anniversary Gabby and D, here's to many more!

10:55 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

happy anniversary...and many more years of bliss wished to you :)


11:13 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

imo, the hardest part about becoming a/realizing you are a sub is reconciling it with your outward persona. I'm not a meek or subdued person in the slightest. I'm bossy, loud, opinionated, funny, and I've got a temper to rival genghis khan's. no wonder my husband thought I was smoking crack when I first brought up the subject.

and oddly enough, I'm still all of those things AND a submissive. being a sub was the part of the puzzle that was missing for me. I feel more complete and whole than I ever have before. looking back on it now, it seems that everything just fell into place the minute I stopped pushing it to do so.

I think this is technically $.04 worth.

5:33 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy Anniversary, and many more!

6:45 PM  
Blogger Malcolm said...

Happy anniversary, Gabby. Your post is a useful explanation of where you stand. And thanks for your comment on my blog.

12:11 AM  
Blogger Kaylem said...

Happy Anniversary, hon! :)

5:21 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Happy anniversary :)

1:32 PM  

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