/* Theme Name: 2 Good 4 You Version: 1.0 Author: Web Divas Author URL: http://www.web-divas.com/ Copyright: Gabby Hey - 2005 */ gabby surrenders: Submission - Part 1 .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
Tuesday, July 26, 2005
Submission - Part 1

Here I go again. Thinking. For some people, thinking is a healthy, productive activity. For me and my poisoned mind, it's not such a good thing! So, uh, be forewarned: contradictions ahead.

Some recent posts on other blogs have started me thinking about what being submissive means to me. What this new dynamic has meant to my overall relationship. When J said her love for her husband was more important than D/s, I definitely agree. I love my husband, madly. It hasn't always been that way...there have been many bumps in the road for us. But I have finally come to a place where I like myself enough to let him be himself. He bugs me sometimes (I mean, he IS a man!), but I love him completely. If he wasn't interested in oncall BJs and butt-sex, ;-) well, then so be it. Seriously, if he was uncomfortable with the path our relationship, especially sexually, is taking, I would not pursue it. I would find other ways to express myself. It's just that simple. But, see, not only is it fun for us both, but he sees that it's fullfilling some ignored need of mine. He knows that I was missing something for a long time, and he really, really wants me to be happy. I love that about him.

For me, this whole thing isn't just about domination. It's not about spanking. It's not even about sex. For me, it's about the connection, the trust, the honesty, and the adventure of love. It's about being comfortable (can you say "finally") in our roles and our relationship. I am a strong, independent woman. I'm a feminist (ohhhh, the "f" word). For me, that means I get to decide what I want. I have choices. And this man that I've known since I was 14 and knows me better than any other human is what I choose. And he chooses me. And, hopefully, we'll fuck like kinky rabbits until our parts don't work anymore.

I just know that if and when D reads this he will laugh. Not a mean, hurtful laugh, but a sweet, "god, I know you so well" laugh. The kind of loving laugh that will be followed by a smack on my ass and comment about thinking too much.


posted by Gabby Hey at 4:07 PM 7 comments links to this post

7 Comments:

Blogger *J* said...

Oh, I like this. I hope there will be four or five parts to it!

7:59 PM  
Blogger Jane said...

I agree totally! About the whole - it's not about the sex or the BDSM "thing" - it's about the relationship and intimacy and trust. THAT's what's important to me.

8:40 PM  
Blogger Freya said...

Well said! Yes, for us it's that way too. It's about connection and we we aren't on the same wavelength everything goes to shit. But you know, it makes us communicate at a much deeper level, which is difficult sometimes but we can do it more often than less these days (after some major hiccups).

1:42 PM  
Blogger Her said...

I agree as usual. I know for me loving again was a conscious, carefully chosen act, not one I undertook lightly. I searched my soul to make sure he was the "one", and I don't care if we have sex upsidedown in a monkey cage--this man is my man, come rain or shine or kink or lack thereof. D/s has forced us to be open even more than we were, and we were more stable than I've ever experienced a couple to be (I had bad role models, and my professional life has jaded me ;).

Eh, some of us just like to analyze things, it's like a hobby!

6:50 PM  
Blogger Erica said...

great post, gabby. very insightful and true... and spoken like a woman who thinks too much!

8:54 PM  
Anonymous Raven said...

Lovely post

12:52 AM  
Blogger Skarr said...

Sexuality is strange. The more graphic it gets, the more physical it gets, the less appealing it becomes. It's like an inverse principle - less is more, more is less. I think that's why porn is maybe not so stimulating anymore, as there is no mystery to it. I think that without a mental connection and as you put it, a feeling of honesty, genuine love, trust and the sense of being in a relationship, sex is meaningless and is an empty act. You may as well fuck a board with a hole in it if you don't have feelings. I can never, ever, understand why people go to whores or indulge in one night stands or any other kind of activity where there is sex but there is no feeling or no sense of bonding with the other person. Movies and the media create a myth about passion, which is much more subtle and depends on the quirks of the human mind and not on raw physical attributes.

3:20 PM  

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