/* Theme Name: 2 Good 4 You Version: 1.0 Author: Web Divas Author URL: http://www.web-divas.com/ Copyright: Gabby Hey - 2005 */ gabby surrenders: When I'm the Buddha or Get a Life .comment-link {margin-left:.6em;}
Wednesday, October 12, 2005
When I'm the Buddha or Get a Life

Blogging has been a small part of a much bigger journey for me. As I've mentioned before, I am in recovery (7 months sober) and have undergone a lot of changes in the past couple of years. Because of all of this and more than a healthy dose of therapy, I have a self indulgent tendency to be superficially introspective. Much of what I read in other people's blogs fascinates, titillates, saddens, and sometimes frightens me a little. Regardless, most of it just makes me think. Think, think, think. There's been talk of polyamory (I have so many thoughts on this, but I will hold my tongue), love, discipline, marital problems, family struggle and triumph...all in some kind of sexual or BDSM-related context. All very thought provoking and supremely interesting. The one thing that haunts me is some of the sadness. Frankly, I don't understand the choice of sacrifice, ritual, and submission when it leads to misery and continual self doubt. Perhaps I'm naive to think there should be some joy and love with lust and life, but why would anyone choose to be unhappy?

I've discovered that my goal in life is to find balance. If I can find that elusive balance between mother, lover, worker and self, I'm sure that I'll suddenly transform into the Elightened One and you can start calling me Buddah. Until then, I plan on enjoying the journey by living a life of happiness. (Yes, I know...it's okay, you can call me simple and idealistic.) Seriously, that's my plan, my big picture, my goal. I want to be happy. And I want everyone around me to be happy. I refuse to live a life of fear or misery. I won't live in fear of my addictions and I won't be miserable by the circumstances of my life. I don't think anyone should.

Ask yourself if you're getting what you need...not just what you want, but what you need to feel fulfilled? I recognize that everyone's needs are different and will be unique to their given life situation and experiences, but don't most people (especially women) need to feel loved and appreciated? I'll admit, I'm a little more needy and high maintenance in this area (exactly why I'll never be a good sub), but is it really so selfish to want happiness and appreciation by our partner(s) (or whatever you call him/her: master, bwana, asshole, husband, dear, big daddy, mistress)? I think not.

But, hey, if drama and misery are your bag, rock on with your miserable self. Otherwise, I strongly suggest you start finding the right life for you.

I know my little rambling rant here will piss someone off and that's cool with me. But, please don't give me some long winded dissertation on the philosophical ideology behind the theory of submission. I'm not a deep thinker, I just pretend to be.

Hugs and kisses!

posted by Gabby Hey at 9:39 AM 7 comments


Blogger *J* said...

"But, hey, if drama and misery are your bag, rock on with your miserable self."

OMG! Darlin' you SO ROCK!!! That one has me rolling on the floor. I worship at the altar of your superior wit. Can I swipe it?

BTW - um, details? And you call me a tease!

10:14 AM  
Blogger *J* said...

But on a serious note - beautiful post. You can call me simplistic and naive, too - balance and happiness in life are my goals.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Freya said...

Ah yes. There's far too much pontificating from Mt. testosterone these days from folks who think that if their wives/partners/slaves aren't miserable it ain't D/s or "true" BDSM. And I say, "shut the fuck up you miserable bastard. Who went and made you king of the definition of BDSM?"

Great post, dollface.

11:39 AM  
Blogger Temptation said...

I agree that all partners in a BDSM/Ds relationship should be happy and feel fullfilled.

Keep in mind thought that what appears to be misery might just be moments of irritation that get posted out where everyone and their dog can read them. Some people use their blogs more for writing when they are unhappy. We only get a tiny glimpse of what their lives are like, only what they choose to show us. And also remember that there are two sides to every story. Just because it is one persons perspective does not make it reality :)

I did like this post I assure you, and I honestly don't get why some people like to wallow in miserable relationships (I am strictly speaking about people that I know in real life because their lives are the only ones I feel I have enough knowledge of to form an opinion). Whether it be D/s or plain vanilla, just find happiness, don't settle for misery.

5:04 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

fantastic post, gabby. you're so good at getting to the point of the matter.
there's too much misery in the world. I think it'd be reduced by 3/4 if people stopped making themselves miserable and then dragging everyone around them into the quagmire. life is short and you only get one shot at this one... make it good.

4:24 PM  
Blogger Lady Janon said...

Count me in the drama addict category, I can't seem to get away! And what is drama without an audience??

Anyway, as for our little drama, we debated whether to make it part of the blog, but decided that we appreciate all the guidance and honesty that is out there, even the not fun stuff. We hope to help someone else who is struggling to accept a "non-normal" part of themselves and their lives. But that's us, we likes the drama :)

Eh, life is short, play hard.

9:50 AM  
Blogger JeN said...

If I can call you "Buddah" can I also rub your tummy for luck? : p

6:51 PM  

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