Monday, November 07, 2005
I have so many random unconnected thoughts pinging around in my head lately, I've had a hard time stringing them together into coherent ideas. I feel as if I might be going through some sort of transformation. Of what kind, I'm not sure. I have this vague, but persisent feeling that I'm struggling with something, but I haven't come face to face with it yet. It's almost like a mild, fuzzy hangover...which, of course, it can't be since I'm coming up on 8 months of sobriety this week. It's an "I want more" feeling drumming in my mind, but not an unsatisfied or unhappy feeling. Actually, I'm feeling very happy and content in my little world right now, so it's hard to put my finger on.
Very strange. I was even contemplating giving up on my blog, because this restlessness has been preventing me from focusing on any single topic or idea for longer than a nanosecond. But I don't think that's the answer. And when I'm honest with myself and write what I'm really feeling, I find it incredibly therapeutic. Maybe that's what it is. I think I've been stunted lately. I think I've been allowing my virtual community to dictate a standard of behavior and list of rules to me that have prevented me from speaking with my true voice. The irony of it is that no one has done such a thing at all...I think it's been me all along. Hasn't it?
Well, anyway, whatever it is, I'm going to figure it out and fix it.
posted by Gabby Hey at 11:14 AM