Thursday, May 05, 2005
I need my big strong Dom -- NOW!
Ok. So I printed out a post by Dan titled "Got Dem New Dom Blues"
and put it somewhere for D to find. Then I changed my mind and forgot to hide it (hmmmmm, Freudian slip, perhaps?) so he picked it up and started reading it. I freaked out and tried to take it from him and told him I wasn't ready for him to see it yet, that I'm crazy and that I don't know what the hell I want. He was very sweet and I let (sure) him read it anyway while I flitted around the house doing chores before the kids came home from grandma and grandpa's house. We haven't had a chance to talk about it yet and I fell asleep with our little girl pretty early, so I still don't know what he thinks. We have houseguests tonight so I'm not sure how much alone time we'll have tonight. Then we're going away with friends for the weekend. The good news is that we'll have a room alone, without children for 2 whole nights...just like grown ups! I hope he brings the red bag of "goodies."
So that's kind of where I am right now. I'm suddenly over-sexed and obsessed with wanting my beloved to throw me over his knee and show me who's boss. I've been married to this man for almost 9 years (together 15) and now I'm so incredibly attracted to his overwhelming maleness and physical strength. At the same time, I'm incredibly conflicted about my new feelings and desires. I've always been a very assertive, commanding woman - I've done well (and poorly) in the business world and worked very hard to be considered an equal at work. Where did all of these feelings come from? Yes, I've always fantasized about being dominated...yes, I've always secretly thrilled at my husband's hand on my neck or when he smacked my ass. But I always hid my excitement behind the excuse of alcohol. Now that I don't drink at all anymore, my feelings are even more intense and I'm forced to be honest with myself and with him.
And, now I'm worried that he won't understand my needs. Although, I have a feeling that he will. I think I know him well enough, but we'll see. Oh my, what's a girl to do?
posted by Gabby Hey at 1:43 PM
Wednesday, May 04, 2005
Freddy and Eddy's - where couples can come...
Why don't we have a store like this up in the lovely Pacific Northwest? Maybe I should open one....
Freddy and Eddy's Store - Where Couples can Come!
posted by Gabby Hey at 4:48 PM
: "1 a : to yield to the power, control, or possession of another upon compulsion or demand b : to give up completely or agree to forgo especially in favor of another
2 a : to give (oneself) up into the power of another especially as a prisoner b : to give (oneself) over to something (as an influence)"
posted by Gabby Hey at 12:08 PM
Taken In Hand: The submissive alpha female
Nothing exciting to report in my sexual evolution...unless you count suprising D with a morning BJ to start his day off with a smile. I used to never swallow, so I think he really likes it now that I do. It also used to really bug me when he'd grab my hair or force me down harder, but now I love the stuggle. It gives me so much pleasure to feel him cum in my mouth and know that it makes him feel good. I feel almost overwhelmed with how strongly I love him now...after all these years, I'm suddenly madly in love with my husband.
I'm obviously still trying to work all these new feelings out in my head. Why do I want to please him so badly and be dominated by him when I'm normally such an assertive, strong woman? How will this new dynamic play out in our daily lives? I'm not sure I like the whole "give it over to the man" concept of Taken in Hand or the severe rules and discipline or BDSM...where do we fit in?
Taken In Hand: The submissive alpha female: "The submissive alpha female
The submissive alpha female is a woman who is strong, confident, bold, and assertive in her life and her dealings with people in general – but who wants a dominant man in her life because she finds it sexually exciting to be dominated by a strong, powerful man. She might or might not be in a position of authority at work; but she has a personality and a level of competence such that she could be in such a position and command respect."
posted by Gabby Hey at 11:12 AM
Tuesday, May 03, 2005
Bad Girls Get Spanked!
Another day, another adventure. Of course, my little adventures are nothing like the amazing things I've been reading in other blogs. In fact, I can't imagine anyone being that interested in my boring little sex life. It is, however, starting to get pretty interesting for me. For someone that thought she'd never be interested in sex, it's suddenly the one think I think about all the time. D asked me last night where I've been all his life. I guess I've been hiding behind my insecurities and inhibitions. How thrilling and amazing it is to be so honest and open for once in my life.
Last night, I came out of the closet, so to speak, and told D about some of the nasty thoughts swirling around in my head. I'm not sure he quite understands what is happening to me (I don't even understand it). I couldn't come out and actually tell him about everything I've been reading...it is a little overwhelming. I know it excites him and he loves the new compliant me. What man doesn't love his cocked sucked while driving home on a dark country road? I could feel him getting even harder (was that possible?) when he shoved my head down even further when a car drove by. I know he could feel my shiver of excitement...especially when he started playfully spanking my ass. And when we got home and he took his pleasure from every hole he wanted to, I know he felt deep satisfaction. For so long I resisted letting him fuck me in the ass unless I was drunk. Now, I want to feel him anywhere and everywhere he wants me. But, I'm not quite sure he really understands how much I love him and how badly I want to please him...how badly I need to have him hold my arms above my head and fuck me. I'm getting wet just thinking about it.
Like I said, I'm not quite sure what I want out of this whole exploration of the dark side...I just know it's opened something very sensual and wild inside of me. I know that I could never go all the way like some of the blogs I read...but I'm not sure yet what I am capable of.
Last night D told me I should write thank you notes to the women whose blogs I read that started me on this path. So I think I will.
posted by Gabby Hey at 2:08 PM
Monday, May 02, 2005
I just wanted to thank kaylem for her blog, kept. I accidentally stumbled on it a week or so ago and was riveted by her writings and description of her and her relationship with her Master. I was particularly excited by her Tasty post. I'm not sure if I'm ready to really talk about my personal sexual explorations yet, but I will say that I was quite wet with anticipation when my beloved husband, D, produced a butt plug for my pleasure last night. Let me just say that I love lube.
posted by Gabby Hey at 4:41 PM
Help Wanted - Going SEX Crazy!
I think I'm going crazy.
Ok, here goes. I'm not sure why I feel the need to write about my sexual confusion and self discovery, let alone post it on the very public Internet. But for some reason I'm compelled to. I recently quit drinking and started on this spiritual and self awarenss journey. I had no idea that it would awaken my sexual desire for my husband and renew my relationship with him. Yes, I knew that family life would get better - my children and husband could only benefit from a happier, healthier mother - I just had no idea it would re-ignite my lust and passion for my man.
What is happening to me? Suddenly, I found myself reading blog upon blog about D/s, BDSM, Taken in Hand, and other alternative sexual pursuits. I am fascinated by the woman's perspective and experiences in these kind of consensual, loving marriages. I find myself drawn to these women and their stories. I find myself walking around with this warm, excited feeling between my legs. I know my husband is thrilled by my awakening and eagerness for him, but I'm sure he must be slightly confused. I keep telling him that I want him so much more because I'm so much happier with him in general and how supportive he's been of me.
I'm still trying to figure out what all this means to us. I'm not sure what I really want and what I can handle. In recovery you get sponsors to help you work through your journey, is there such thing as a sexual sponsor who can help me learn how to navigate this territory? I know that I will need to discuss this with my husband, but until then, I wish there was someone who could help me through this. I mean, how can this be happening now after 15 yrs together and 2 children?
It's so strange how I could be so closed down for so long and now suddenly SO awake! I saw another woman's blog recently (tieme-n-spankme) listing reasons for a lacking libido and I saw myself mirrored in several of them. I guess my problem really came down to being overwhelmed and exhausted, but a lot of that has changed. My husband is so much more helpful and affectionate and my life has become simplified by getting rid of alcohol. For the first time in my life, I can really give myself to my husband without reservations and without being clouded by some substance. It's so exhilarating.
posted by Gabby Hey at 2:35 PM