Friday, June 03, 2005
The Key to Life - Great Sex?
I know I need to write about what a wonderful anniversary evening I had with my beloved D (we did have a great time), and I'm way overdue for a bawdy description of my divine flogger experience, but I wanted take a minute for a warm fuzzy. With all these silly thoughts that race around my head, I sometimes forget to still my mind long enough to appreciate the beauty and blessings around me. I have so many things to be grateful for today: the swollen river flowing just feet from my deck, the sounds of my children laughing and running on the rolling lawn, the love of my husband, and the rebirth of a passion within me that I thought had died a long time ago. If I'm quiet long enough (10,000 flaps of a hummingbird's wings), I am almost overwhelmed with emotion at the idea that I'm actually coming alive again and allowing myself to feel.
With that, I think you should know that I've had an epiphany (yes, dammit, an epiphany). I believe that great sex (not mediocre, or even really good sex) is the key to life. Now, I know all the men out there are saying "no, duh," but I just didn't believe you. I had to find out on my own. So now that I have this really wonderful sex with my husband, everything else seems to fall into place. My kids don't bug me as much, it stops raining outside, business is picking up, I love my husband again, I'm starting to like myself again, and I look forward to every beautiful day. I suspect my husband will give credit to the amazing waterproof vibrating butt plug (which he surprised me with in the shower the other morning) and the flogger, but I wouldn't go that far.
So, I'm going to spend a beautiful weekend with my adorable kids and try to find some playtime with the man that I love. I promise that I'll write about the flogger on Monday. Until, I love you all! :-)
posted by Gabby Hey at 3:26 PM
Wednesday, June 01, 2005
Light at the end of the tunnel...
It was quite a busy weekend in our home. In addition to our regular family activities, I finished "Story of O," which I found disturbing and disappointing (I'll post something on that later), I finally got a good flogging, and D and I had several stolen conversations that equaled one whole discussion on our renewed sex life. On Friday night, I believe that I had my first brush with subspace, and I'm hooked. I want more...I NEED more. But before I go there, I did want to briefly say something about my evolving beliefs.
I think I've mentioned a few times that I have difficulty reconciling my desires to be dominated with my every day personality. I spent a good deal of my youth studying feminist history and trying to live my life in a way that proved I was equal (or better) than men. Obviously, age and reality mellowed my zeal and I became more aware that I was less interested in equality than I was a level playing field. I am comfortable being uniquely female and don't want to be a man or live a man's life. I do, however, still consider myself a feminist, and
I'm beginning to consider myself submissive (the parameters of which are still to be defined). My husband who is, was, and will always be a dominating male is also comfortable with the complicated roles that we're all expected to play in life. He broke with tradition and stayed home with our first child for several years because I made significantly more money (the image of my 6' 4" hubby sitting in a child's chair serving ice cream at class parties is one of my favorite memories). I have never been a follower; I recoil at the very idea of being told what to do. I am a very emotional, sensual person, but I am a control freak. And I think way too much.
So now you might be able to understand how my poor darling D might be just slightly confused by my new desire to relinquish all control, have my girlie parts pierced and jump his bones on a fairly regular basis. Granted, he's very enthusiastic about the recent changes, but confused, nonetheless. Truth be told, I think I've always liked the feelings associated with submitting sexually to D. I think one of the reasons I was so attracted to him physically was that the sheer size of him made me feel safe, comforted...submissive. I think that, perhaps, this whole shift towards D/s, might actually just be the natural evolution of our relationship, instead of some big, sudden change. Like most of us on this journey, I'm not sure how all of this will play out, but I am really starting to have fun.
I'm very thankful that on this day, my 9th wedding anniversary, that I belong to D. Next up, my first adventure with the flogger....
posted by Gabby Hey at 10:45 AM
I've been tagged again, from both erica
. Actually, I know most people don't like these things, but I'm flattered when they ask me. Unfortunately, I'm not very interesting, but here are my answers anyway.
Have you ever snuck out of the house - yes,
gotten lost in your city - yes, a lot
seen a shooting star - yes
been to any other countries besides Canada - yes
had a serious surgery - yes
gone out in public in your pajamas - yes
kissed a stranger - no
hugged a stranger - yes
been in a fist fight - yes
been arrested - no
laughed and had milk/coke come out of your nose - yes
pushed all the buttons on an elevator - yes
swore at your parents - yes
been in love - yes
been close to love - yes
been to a casino - yes
been skydiving - nope
skinny dipped - yes
skipped school - yes
seen a therapist - yes
done the splits - yes
played spin the bottle - yes
gotten stitches - yes
drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour - no, I don't do well with milk
bitten someone - just my husband and he likes it.
been to Niagara Falls - yes
gotten the chicken pox - yes
kissed a member of the opposite sex - yes
crashed into a friend's car - no
been to Japan - no
ridden in a taxi - yes
been dumped - yes
shoplifted - no
been fired - no
had a crush on someone of the same sex - yes
had feelings for someone who didn't have them back - yes
gone on a blind date - no
lied to a friend - yes
had a crush on a teacher - yes
celebrated Mardi-Gras in new Orleans - no
been to Europe - no
slept with a co-worker - yes
been married - yes
gotten divorced - no
had children - yes
seen someone die - no
had a close friend die - yes
been to Africa - no
driven over 400 miles in one day - yes
been to US - duh
been to Mexico - yes
been to India - no
been on a plane - yes
seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show - of course
thrown up in a bar - no...I don't think so
purposely set a part of myself on fire - no
eaten sushi - yes...I love Japanese food!
been skiing/snowboarding - yes, yes
met someone in person from the internet - yes
lost a child - no
gone to college/university - yes
graduated college/university - yes
fired a gun - yes
purposely hurt yourself - yes
taken painkillers - yes
been intimate with someone of the same gender - no
And I tag: O
, Lady C
, and Kasey
posted by Gabby Hey at 9:22 AM